The truth about compatibility and personality tests

I was sitting in the counselor’s office with my ex-husband about a year and a half ago with a long list complied where I wanted both of us to sit down and discuss with the counselor. I was determined to make my marriage work. I do not give up easily. I work hard.

He told the counselor, he had some printouts and wanted me to take a personality test to say how incompatible we were and why ‘I was not being a good follower’ while he was a ‘very good leader’. These were just printouts from the a random website, nothing authentic. Considering I have my own set of egos, I obviously refused to oblige. My only question was why our compatibility was being questioned when we spent most of our twenties together and practically grew up together learning a thing or two about life one by one.

Yesterday, very randomly, I decided to play a game on Facebook where it analyzes the meaning of your name and describes your personality. I know it was meant for fun and not to be taken very seriously, but it took me back to the time I spent where someone I had known and been in a relationship with forever was questioning my personality type.

What I realized a couple of years down the line and after a divorce is that – compatibility does exist. But so does compromise and a give/take aspect. If you believe in perfection and finding that one perfect partner for you – you are being selfish. A lot of articles, people around us tell us – they should be compatible to us. They should understand us better. They should learn and understand what my hobbies always were. Why not “I am going to make sure that the person I love, is always happy. I am going to give my best no matter what. I will compromise where it makes sense and adjust if it’s practical. I will trust him/her”. If you are able to give, would you not be ready to receive too?

I was probably always the same person I am still. It still brings me immense happiness to see a smile/a laughter on the face of someone I love (my parents, my child, my friends anybody) for something small I might have done for them. Weather I get anything back or not – is a different question. That being said, yes, I would not stay in a relationship which is one-sided and being told that I am a follower.

Personality tests, compatibility tests exist. But they do not tell you the complete truth. D not believe a person is meant to be for you because you both scored an A+ on it together. Many times we have to make decisions from our heart, and trust our gut feeling about something. Sometimes we just have to go with the flow about what we feel about some person. Mind stops you and warns you, but your heart doesn’t. Be practical and be wise, but do not believe in tests that tell you something you feel differently about.

PS – Please read the above as an individual’s opinion only. May not be applicable to everyone.


About Bigdreamer

I am a mom, an engineer and a life long learner. I love learning and trying something new always - cooking, a new personal style, pursue a new hobby, photographing everyday objects to find beauty in them, blogging when I can and volunteering for causes I care about. Spirituality is a state of being for me.
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2 Responses to The truth about compatibility and personality tests

  1. taranablog says:

    I heartily agree!As a practitioner, I can tell you- personality tests are just one dimension of your personality- in that point of time. You are your actions in that moment and forever.
    Life is lived in its truthful moments and its actions. Everything else is just an illusion. Compatibility exists in the mind- and then through us..thoughts,actions, and behaviors. Thus, when someone justifies why they should/should not be a part of your life…well it is time to let them go. I did. You did. We are better parents and individuals for it :). Atleast I think so.


    • daydreamer says:

      Hey there, thanks for taking the time to read and comment. At that point of time when I refused to take those personality tests, at that instant I knew it was my ego. Somebody questioning me why I wasn’t something I was meant to be in ‘his opinion’. But then I wonder again, what if the tests actually had told me what I did not want to hear at that time? Was I afraid to accept that and hence refused to take that silly test?

      You are right in that compatibility exists through our actions. It undeniably exists. You cannot change your core personality, but you can adapt. You cannot be rigid. But you can be understanding. Personality tests have nothing to do with it. It’s what your heart, mind, thoughts and actions say, in my opinion!


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