I was sitting in the counselor’s office with my ex-husband about a year and a half ago with a long list complied where I wanted both of us to sit down and discuss with the counselor. I was determined to make my marriage work. I do not give up easily. I work hard.
He told the counselor, he had some printouts and wanted me to take a personality test to say how incompatible we were and why ‘I was not being a good follower’ while he was a ‘very good leader’. These were just printouts from the a random website, nothing authentic. Considering I have my own set of egos, I obviously refused to oblige. My only question was why our compatibility was being questioned when we spent most of our twenties together and practically grew up together learning a thing or two about life one by one.
Yesterday, very randomly, I decided to play a game on Facebook where it analyzes the meaning of your name and describes your personality. I know it was meant for fun and not to be taken very seriously, but it took me back to the time I spent where someone I had known and been in a relationship with forever was questioning my personality type.
What I realized a couple of years down the line and after a divorce is that – compatibility does exist. But so does compromise and a give/take aspect. If you believe in perfection and finding that one perfect partner for you – you are being selfish. A lot of articles, people around us tell us – they should be compatible to us. They should understand us better. They should learn and understand what my hobbies always were. Why not “I am going to make sure that the person I love, is always happy. I am going to give my best no matter what. I will compromise where it makes sense and adjust if it’s practical. I will trust him/her”. If you are able to give, would you not be ready to receive too?
I was probably always the same person I am still. It still brings me immense happiness to see a smile/a laughter on the face of someone I love (my parents, my child, my friends anybody) for something small I might have done for them. Weather I get anything back or not – is a different question. That being said, yes, I would not stay in a relationship which is one-sided and being told that I am a follower.
Personality tests, compatibility tests exist. But they do not tell you the complete truth. D not believe a person is meant to be for you because you both scored an A+ on it together. Many times we have to make decisions from our heart, and trust our gut feeling about something. Sometimes we just have to go with the flow about what we feel about some person. Mind stops you and warns you, but your heart doesn’t. Be practical and be wise, but do not believe in tests that tell you something you feel differently about.
PS – Please read the above as an individual’s opinion only. May not be applicable to everyone.